“Zac Efron Drowns in Bronzing Solution”
LOS ANGELES, CA—Teen heartthrob Zac Efron was found dead lying facedown in a shallow pool of tanning solution at a local salon late yesterday afternoon.
The employees of the establishment, Sunset Tan, have told investigators that they insisted that the Mystic Tan should be applied professionally, to which Mr. Efron responded, “You, tan, better than me? I’ve been tanning, and bronzing, and lubing since I was born. I could probably show you two ladies a thing or two.”
Slightly repulsed, the associates, Holly & Molly, allowed him to spray himself, but “only for a few minutes.” Both of the girls lost track of time after becoming engrossed by a television marathon on MTV. They only checked in on Mr. Efron after completing a 40-minute debate on whether Lauren or Whitney (both characters on the show “The Hills”) had better hair.
“When I saw him there, I was just like ‘ohh-emm-gee,’ we killed Zac Efron,” said Holly. “We both felt really bad about it, but neither of us could remember the number for 911,” said Molly. An E! Channel cameraman at Sunset Tan, who was filming the reality series of the same name, phoned emergency services.
Police officers at the scene described Efron as “an alienish hue of orange, if you can believe it, worse than he looked in High School Musical 2.” One police officer, Lieut. Will Farsley, said his 13-year-old daughter was going to be heartbroken. He told reporters, “I’ll just have to tell her that Zac went down a dangerous, slippery path of self-tanning products; it’s one of the many dangers associated with becoming obscenely famous with so little talent.”
A spokesman for The Association of Metrosexuals called the events “a giant wake-up call,” but considered Mr. Efron a “small loss” because “he wasn’t one of us, he was gay right? I mean High School Musical, I mean come-on!”
Mystic Tan could not be reached for comment, but as of today, its Web site had posted a notice to “tan responsibly.”